Hospital

As I lie in hospital I suppose it's the perfect time to write a blog post, so here goes..
The past few weeks have been horrible! I've been admitted to hospital 4 or 5 times (this is my 2nd overnight stay) because of my high blood pressure and because they keep finding protein in my wee. It's looking like preeclampsia so they're probably gonna induce me early, because they're finding it hard to control my blood pressure with medication, in 3 weeks I've gone from 200mg to 300mg, and today 400mg of labetalol. They've also given me an steroid injection to help the baby's lungs in case she has to be born early.
The worst part of being in hospital is leaving my little munchkin! He stayed at Grandma and Grandpa's house the first time I had to stay in, and tonight he's at Auntie Nicola's house because my Mam and Dad are still in Norway.
I'm 35 weeks tomorrow, and today at my scan Erika is weighing/measuring at 5lb which is quite a decent weight for how far along I am, but she'll be nowhere as big as her brother was! Also I found out she's 100% a girl, so I can stop worrying about the hot pink and Hello Kitty overload! I'm gonna get some early baby clothing because I don't think the stuff I've bought is going to fit, but I found the cutest stuff in Sainsburys so that's okay with me!
I miss Oskar so much and probably won't see him until tomorrow tea time, but that will make it even more lovely when I do! Personally I don't know now parents can cope palming their children off on friends/family members every weekend, I much prefer his company than anyone's!
My next post will probably be when baby is born as I have a feeling it isn't going to be a very long time, but we'll see!

If only...

Dodie-less

Since taking Oskar's dodies off him four days ago, he's only asked for it once! I'm shocked! Turns out he was more ready than I was. I'm so proud of him.

Loving Two

This wasn't written by me, but was posted on Instagram and I thought it was quite fitting. It made me cry as I'm an emotional wreck at the moment.


Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.


-Author Unknown

So funny.

I've just finished cleaning my teeth and getting ready for bed and I walked into my bedroom, and found Oskar with dodie in mouth, all tucked up with my iPad, he was on YouTube watching Chuggington, in Japanese. Haha! He was so engrossed in it he didn't even notice me enter the room and take his photo. He's now lying next to me watching Pocoyo in Italian, he's hilarious.

Growing a human is stressful!

Today was my 32 week scan! The sole purpose of the scan was to check to see whether the placenta had moved away from my cervix but I came away with more issues than I'd bargained for. I was more keen to know whether baby had grown a winky or not, because, I'd had the same placenta issue with Oskar so I was confident that it would have moved - and it has! So I'm all set for a normal birth - fingers crossed!
Another thing which was crossed was baby's legs, so I still have a teeny tiny bit of me thinking she could be a he, even though I've seen with my own eyes on the last scan that she has a foo-foo, I think it's just my pregnant brain getting carried away!
Anyway, that should be the least of my worries, as firstly, they told me I don't have enough amniotic fluid around the baby which is probably why it's painful when she kicks me. They checked that baby was (practice) breathing properly; which she was, and checked that her stomach, bladder and kidneys were all passing fluid, which they all were. So they're happy that the baby is doing well in there. They want to keep an eye on things, so I have another scan in 4 weeks when I'll be 36 weeks. Hopefully by then the amniotic fluid will have increased, otherwise I'll probably have to have her early.
Secondly, I have high blood pressure, which I think is one of my biggest worries. The past few times it's been taken it has been 95/50, 100/52 and 101/51. Now it has shot up to 140/82. They said I have to go get my blood pressure checked every week to keep a close eye on it.
Other than that baby seems to be doing fine, she looks just like Oskar, and from her measurements they worked out she's weighing around 3lb 12oz at the moment. On the plus side I get to see her again in 4 weeks time!

My little model.

I love that he's started to pose for photos! These are a couple from today..